I Am Tiger Woods

A young man approached me about assisting him with his game. He was tall, athletic, Asian, and had a pretty sweet swing. After watching some shots you couldn’t help but notice that many of his mannerisms mirrored that of Tiger Woods. I’m not saying that he hit it like Tiger, but you could just tell he was a big fan and he obviously spent hours watching Tiger move.

Everything was a spot on match. The way he rehearsed his backswing and followthrough was the same. From his reaction to a missed shot down to the athletic tape on his fingers, this kid was dead on Tiger. Not to mention that his clubs and apparel were all Nike and he of course had the trademark “Tiger” head cover.

In an attempt to make a compliment I said “do you try to pattern your game after Tiger Woods?” To my dismay his reply was a stern “no!”

In a joking manner, I pressed a little further making mention that it seemed to me like everything he did and owned was an exact replica from the Tiger Woods Museum of Golf! He still denied that anything he did was an attempt to be like Tiger Woods.

Noting that he was a little offended by my presumption, I told him “Tiger is likely the greatest ever, so if you were to emulate anyone, he would be a good guy to emulate.” Still, he wouldn’t give in to the notion.

We finished the lesson and he was on his way, but for me this project was far from over. I just had to get him to admit that he was a Tiger Woods nut. I mean, everyone knew it, so why couldn’t he just come out and say it!

A few weeks passed and I told the story to the guys in the golf shop. The assistant pro mentioned that he just set up a handicap for the young man and his e-mail address was TWoods59! Now I was really determined to get to the bottom of this.

Not much later, he showed up again at the course and began his walk to the first tee. I noticed that he had a new bag. It looked familiar, but I couldn’t quite see it so I grabbed the binoculars from the shop and ran halfway down the first fairway. Ducking behind a tree I finally got a clear look. The bag said “Buick.” I couldn’t believe it. I mean, where in the hell, other than a “Tiger Woods” sweepstakes is a 19-year-old kid going to get himself a “Buick” carry bag. Furthermore, now he is just shoving it in our faces. I thought to myself, “this kid has gotta go down!”

Image by: Nishant  Choksi  www.nishantchoski.com


Originally published, Golf Punk Magazine, UK

He finished his round and quickly made his way to the parking lot. I rushed to confront him about his blatant lie, but to my dismay he was getting away! I got up to a pretty quick jog, but couldn’t quite get to him in time as he slammed his trunk and hopped into his 1988 Buick Skylark. Surely you are kidding me? What is a 19-year-old doing driving a Buick Skylark?!

As he peeled away from the parking lot and out of my reach, I got a quick glimpse of a bumper sticker displayed for all the world to see across the back of his vehicle. It simply said, “I am Tiger Woods.” I guess that said it all.